Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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