I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
