You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
