I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
