I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
