i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize