I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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