Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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