There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
