We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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