I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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