You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
