yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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