Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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