I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
