I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize