And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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