you didnt know i had herpes?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
