do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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