I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Randomize