My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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