I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
