Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
