Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
