Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Randomize
