She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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