We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
