wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize