Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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