I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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