I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
