laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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