I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
