I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
