Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
