i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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