I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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