I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
