Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
