peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
