I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
