Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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