There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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