you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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