Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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