I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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