Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize