how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize