I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
