we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
