I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
