I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
