Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
