i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
