idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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