he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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