So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
