I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
