dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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