you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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