he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
