His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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