How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm having to shit out rocks
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