chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
