I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
