There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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