My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
