Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
