The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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