just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
