I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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